Servant Leadership: Humility is not pity.

Welcome to episode 3 of The Story Tree. Today, I’ll be reflecting from the heart, and I’d love for you to join me in this. One of my professors once told me that leadership is the ability to use power to influence decisions, which leads people to follow you. This means that leaders have power. In my Leadership Boot Camp (a year-long course where I’m learning to guide others while serving in God’s Kingdom), I’ve learned that it’s important for leaders to seek wisdom from God. We must always remember that as leaders, we are God’s clay—His vessels to shape and use however He sees fit.

As I was growing up, I struggled to understand what humility truly meant. I knew it had something to do with putting others first and lowering yourself. But life isn’t always a smooth ride, and over time, I came to think of humility as feeling sorry for myself. If others pitied me because of my situation, I thought that made me humble. I believed humility meant accepting mistreatment without standing up for myself. It meant throwing myself a pity party—crying, thinking negative thoughts about myself, or feeling like I deserved bad treatment. I thought humility was about being timid, not speaking out, avoiding conflict, and being scared. But all of this twisted my understanding of humility.

Now, I understand humility more clearly. It’s about knowing that God is my Lord and I am His vessel, meant to be used according to His will. Humility is also about staying hopeful in the middle of life’s challenges and holding onto integrity, even when doing the right thing doesn’t immediately benefit me. It’s about trusting God’s plan, no matter the circumstances.

Let me share a story from Kadzo’s life to show that humility isn’t the same as pity. So, Kadzo, who’s about 10 years old, went to visit her cousins Mariamu and Kahindi for the holidays in Mnarani, Kilifi. It was the weekend, and Kadzo wakes up feeling like a champion. She makes her bed, grabs her favorite breakfast—tamarind juice, sausage, and two slices of bread generously spread with red plum jam and Blue Band (and yes, she made it all herself) 🤣. Then, out of nowhere, she hears her aunt practically yelling about someone stealing her money. Now, Kadzo had only arrived the night before when everyone was either half-asleep or pretending to be, so she didn’t pay much attention. Before she could ask her cousins Mariamu and Kahindi if they knew anything about the missing money, BAM—she felt a sharp pain on her back. At first, she thought, “Did a giant wasp just attack me?” But nope. When she whipped around, she saw her aunt with a nyahunyo (that’s a fancy word for a whip)😆. I kid you not. The aunt had a whip.

Kadzo, in full-on survival mode, dashed out of there like a cartoon character, trying to avoid getting another lash. It was like a bad episode of a reality show. The lashing lasted about ten minutes, and let me tell you, Kadzo’s aunt was furious. Poor Mariamu and Kahindi also got a few whacks, probably for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Meanwhile, Kadzo was reminiscing as to why she’d been punished for something she didn’t even do—she wasn’t the one who took the money!😭 And guess what? After all that, her aunt didn’t even say “sorry.” Nada. Zilch.🤨 Kadzo was left feeling lonely, mad, and totally confused. She couldn’t believe it. She thought, “My family is many miles away. Who will help me?” Meanwhile, Mariamu and Kahindi were probably just looking at each other, silently blaming one another for the missing money. And Kadzo? She was stuck thinking, “Great, I’m the one who gets punished, and I’m the one who’s alone!”

Kadzo cried her eyes out, wrote in her journal (probably like a soap opera character), and was just inconsolable. She convinced herself that this was what humility was all about—taking the lashing like a champ, without anyone standing up for her. She was going to be there for the whole week! What could she do? She thought, “Well, I guess I’ll just be humble...and maybe I’ll take a nap while I’m at it.” 😥

Here’s another story from Kadzo’s life, and let me just say—Wow! 😃 Who would have thought? Look at God! Kadzo had just completed a year and a half at her first job. And guess what? She had a job! But wait—there’s more! She got an offer to work at another organization of her dreams in the big city. Take a guess...yep, Nairobi!

Now, we all know how it goes when you’re leaving one job for another. You’ve got to hand in your resignation and a notice so your employer can figure out how to keep the ship afloat after you sail away. Kadzo gets a notification on her phone, opens her email, and there it is: “Congratulations! We are thrilled to offer you a position starting on [date]. Please respond to this email by [date] to confirm your acceptance.”

Her heart nearly exploded. She was ecstatic. She had been waiting for this email for two months! The only small problem? She had practically no time to give her employer notice. So, she handed in her resignation anyway, knowing full well this meant she would be missing out on her last month's salary—the one she really needed. When I say her salary was more like loose change than actual income, I’m not exaggerating. Here’s how it went down: she’d get paid, pay rent, pay electricity, and then for bus fare, food, and airtime, she'd have to take out a loan. The month would always stretch way longer than the salary. On top of that, meat? What’s that? She didn’t know. Lunch at work was often her best meal of the day because, you know, the school provided it (thank God for free food).

People around her, probably trying to save her from a little too much honesty, told Kadzo to just stay quiet about leaving and only tell her employer she wasn’t coming back after getting her last paycheck. But Kadzo, being the queen of integrity, decided to keep it real. She told her boss the truth, remembering that God was with her, unlike the time she felt so alone before. She knew it wouldn’t be easy, but she didn’t want to just run off to her new job in the shiny city without doing the right thing. After all, she had been offered a dream job with a great salary and conditions way better than anything she’d ever imagined in the corporate world.

So, Kadzo chose faithfulness, obedience, and a strong dose of “I’m doing the right thing” even though her pockets were screaming for some relief. And you know what? That’s how you know she’s got true humility (even though she’d probably prefer to have a little more cash in her pocket).

Finally, I hope that now you have a better understanding of humility. It is having your heart broken enough for God to use. This means that your heart understands God has the ultimate power and that just because you are in a leadership position does not mean that this power should blind you, make you forget who put you in that position, who gave you that authority. As leaders in the different areas of our lives whether as the head of the family, the head of your small church group, a supervisor at work or even your own individual leader we should desire God’s will more than we desire our position in leadership as stated by Gene Edwards in his book A Tale of Three Kings.

 

Until next time, take care!