At Peace, Not Fixed.

 






How Far Now?

“How far now?”—a question that has recently graduated from my YouTube binge vocabulary into my real-life check-ins. Honestly, how are you doing? What has made you laugh, what has upset you, and what almost made you throw in the towel this week? Because if we are being real, adulting is not for the faint-hearted. One minute you are okay, the next minute you are questioning everything, including why your favorite mug is suddenly looking like a perfect candidate for a dramatic exit against the wall. (Don’t worry, mine survived… barely.) But in all this back and forth, I hope you are still holding on—to something, to anything, to God.

There are moments when even talking feels like work. You want to share, but then you start wondering if you are becoming “too much.” Too heavy. Too frequent. And then life hits you with the reality that the one person you would have called without hesitation is no longer here. That kind of silence is loud. I have felt it. Recently, I found myself overwhelmed in ways I couldn’t quite explain—anger, grief, frustration all competing for space in my chest. I even took a walk one evening just to cool off because, truthfully, I did not trust my own reactions. Somewhere between those steps and those heavy thoughts, one verse kept coming back to me: “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14, NIV). Be still? When everything inside you feels like it is shouting for attention? But somehow, that stillness was exactly what I needed.

Peace didn’t come in the form of solutions or instant breakthroughs. It came quietly, through something as simple as a church meeting, I almost didn’t attend. The discussion that day? Whether we can truly trust God—even when it feels like our prayers are going unanswered. That question hit home. Because if I am honest, I have prayed, waited, questioned, and at times felt like my prayers were just… floating. But then it clicked again—God is sovereign. Not sometimes, not when it makes sense, but always. He was in control then, He is in control now, and He will still be tomorrow. I had just forgotten.

So, how far now? I would say—at peace. Not because everything is fixed, but because I am choosing to trust God for who He is, not just for what He can do. And maybe that is the shift. To pray not only out of need, but out of knowing. Recently, I was reminded of this again through “Praise” by Elevation Worship (feat. Brandon Lake, Chris Brown & Chandler Moore)—you can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raFnjGVkHe8. It says what I sometimes struggle to put into words. So yes, I will keep praying, keep trusting, and keep holding on. Because even when life feels like too much, God is still more than enough.

And in the middle of it all, I am learning to stay grounded in simple, honest ways—listening to music that lifts my spirit, journaling my thoughts when they feel too heavy to carry, reading the Bible, praying and going to church even when I don’t feel like it, watching the sunset, taking walks to clear my head, and even trying out new recipes (some successful, some… we thank God for growth). These small things are reminding me, day by day, that I am still here, God is still in control, and that, for now, is enough.







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